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I HAVE SOME CONFESSIONS TO MAKE

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May. 26th, 2011 | 06:58 pm

1. I am crazy and I don't know how crazy and I don't know if one can accurately estimate one's craziness if one is crazy because the crazy interferes with one's perceptions, you know?

And I've never really gotten an honest opinion about it from any of the health care professionals I went to - they're not supposed to tell you you're crazy anyway. I'm sorry, it bothers me, and I think I actually want to be crazy, which isn't so much genuinely mentally ill as just neurotic, but I'm babbling to avoid my second confession, which is

2. I wrecked my car, and I'm terrified to get it fixed again. Don't tell me that people who know nothing about cars go to body shops all the time because I know this. I just ... I can't handle these situations. It's all new and different and embarrassing.

I am aware that cars do not regenerate if you leave them in the garage long enough, unlike the shuttles on Voyager.

3. I just suck. I do. My way of dealing with things is horrible. I'm disorganized and dirty and gross and absent-minded and when I get stressed out I just withdraw into myself and blank out the world and forget things and I can't

4. Also, I think I may have to look for a second job. I don't think I'm gonna be laid off or fired, but they sometimes don't get me any hours, I'm not sure why ... but whatever. Anyway, I have extra time and I need the money, so ... a second job, maybe.

5. Also also when I'm stressed I tend to get blitzed on coffee which does violence to my digestive tract and makes me manic and does nothing to calm me down. I've had stomach cramps for like a week now and no, it doesn't make me feel better. If I keep this up I'll go into the phase where I stay up for days because sleep is for the weak and then crash because I am seriously stupid that way

6. Okay enough hyperventilating I'm gonna go buy some avocadoes and then find a body shop or something

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Comments {17}

Seiberwing

(no subject)

from: seiberwing
date: May. 27th, 2011 03:27 am (UTC)
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My issues with...taking objects to be fixed, for lack of a better word (and this applies to doctors too) aren't as severe as yours, but I've got them. Can you get a friend, possibly an older male friend, to come with you and stand around being male for moral support and societal influence? I like to get my dad to come with me when possible when my car's broken.

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asakiyume

(no subject)

from: asakiyume
date: May. 28th, 2011 03:37 am (UTC)
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You don't just suck. You just hate the situation, which is completely understandable.

Good luck with finding a body shop and with getting the car repaired. You will get through it, I'm pretty sure, because you have to.

Enjoy the avocados.

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

(no subject)

from: redcoast
date: May. 28th, 2011 05:37 am (UTC)
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Actually, A. and I ended up getting Vietnamese. It was good.

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Sir Nina

(no subject)

from: amanen
date: May. 29th, 2011 12:58 pm (UTC)
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I don't think you suck. To be honest, I don't know anybody who deals with stress *well.* As far as I can tell, people tend to go crashing and flailing through stressful things until they are gone, and I think that's just fine.

I hope your car gets sorted all out, and I hope that as the situation improves you feel better.

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(no subject)

from: fintinobrien
date: May. 29th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC)
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2 and 3 sound just like me. Admittedly, I don't have a car to wreck, but that's because I can't drive, and one of the main reasons I never got any lessons is because... well, new and different and embarrassing pretty much sums it up.

I've been putting off some stuff I need to get together so I can go back to college, because it involves talking to people in a weird situation and I'm worried that I'll just learn a bunch of things that'll make going back to college even harder, and bleh. Every time I think about this I just push the thoughts away and throw on one of the DS9 DVDs that I picked up a few weeks ago so that I'd have a way to cope with stressful situations like this in as unhealthy a way as possible. :/

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

(no subject)

from: redcoast
date: May. 29th, 2011 08:07 pm (UTC)
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I want/need to go back to college too, but I don't know what I want to study and there's money issues ... I don't know. Maybe I need more therapy. Maybe I just need to get laid.

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(no subject)

from: fintinobrien
date: May. 31st, 2011 07:35 pm (UTC)
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Money issues are one of my big concerns. My biggest fear right now is that I'll find I picked the wrong course, or that I just won't be able to afford to keep going with it. Last time I dropped out because of money. But I haven't had any luck finding a job, and I'm miserable, so I need to find something to do. (Then again, I'm also worried that I'm only gravitating toward college because some kind of school system is more comfortable and familiar. :/)

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jun. 14th, 2011 07:42 pm (UTC)
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Also: are you eligible for the Tennessee lottery scholarship?

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

(no subject)

from: redcoast
date: Jun. 14th, 2011 07:43 pm (UTC)
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No idea but considering I live in Nevada I'm gonna guess no.

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jun. 14th, 2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
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we are a lot more similar than either of us admits. I act the same way about all of those things. Honestly, mom & dad would hate hearing this probably, but without meher telling me i HAVE to and avoiding longer and longer just makes it worse, i'd hate to think about where i'd be.

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

(no subject)

from: redcoast
date: Jun. 14th, 2011 07:41 pm (UTC)
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What the heck?

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

(no subject)

from: redcoast
date: Jun. 14th, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
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Oh, this is Lillian, isn't it? Hey, gurl!

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(no subject)

from: anonymous
date: Jun. 15th, 2011 07:34 pm (UTC)
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yes, it's me.

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cudgel_boy

Life is short but sweet for certain

from: cudgel_boy
date: Jul. 9th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
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Guess which of your loving brothers lost his job?

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

Re: Life is short but sweet for certain

from: redcoast
date: Jul. 11th, 2011 06:36 am (UTC)
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Aww, I'm sorry to hear that, babe.

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cudgel_boy

Re: Life is short but sweet for certain

from: cudgel_boy
date: Jul. 11th, 2011 05:37 pm (UTC)
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*sigh* Now I don't know what to do. Alas poor Yorick.

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Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary

Re: Life is short but sweet for certain

from: redcoast
date: Jul. 11th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
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Are you gonna look for a new job before school starts or ...

Hey, did you pick out a college?

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