Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary (redcoast) wrote,
Sex and a dog-eared paperback dictionary
redcoast

I HAVE SOME CONFESSIONS TO MAKE

1. I am crazy and I don't know how crazy and I don't know if one can accurately estimate one's craziness if one is crazy because the crazy interferes with one's perceptions, you know?

And I've never really gotten an honest opinion about it from any of the health care professionals I went to - they're not supposed to tell you you're crazy anyway. I'm sorry, it bothers me, and I think I actually want to be crazy, which isn't so much genuinely mentally ill as just neurotic, but I'm babbling to avoid my second confession, which is

2. I wrecked my car, and I'm terrified to get it fixed again. Don't tell me that people who know nothing about cars go to body shops all the time because I know this. I just ... I can't handle these situations. It's all new and different and embarrassing.

I am aware that cars do not regenerate if you leave them in the garage long enough, unlike the shuttles on Voyager.

3. I just suck. I do. My way of dealing with things is horrible. I'm disorganized and dirty and gross and absent-minded and when I get stressed out I just withdraw into myself and blank out the world and forget things and I can't

4. Also, I think I may have to look for a second job. I don't think I'm gonna be laid off or fired, but they sometimes don't get me any hours, I'm not sure why ... but whatever. Anyway, I have extra time and I need the money, so ... a second job, maybe.

5. Also also when I'm stressed I tend to get blitzed on coffee which does violence to my digestive tract and makes me manic and does nothing to calm me down. I've had stomach cramps for like a week now and no, it doesn't make me feel better. If I keep this up I'll go into the phase where I stay up for days because sleep is for the weak and then crash because I am seriously stupid that way

6. Okay enough hyperventilating I'm gonna go buy some avocadoes and then find a body shop or something
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