Running on empty

So I don't get paid until April 1st.

Well, I said to myself, I should be fine as long as I don't need to buy anything. Then I looked at my gas gauge.

So gilesleary loaned me some money because he is awesome and my car did run out of gas about 100 feet from the gas station (I'm terrible at distances), going from "crawling forward, barely moving" to "I like it here, I'm not moving at all." I kept jamming my foot down on the gas pedal, and nothing happened, and I realized that I don't even know how to turn on the emergency blinkers or whatever. I considered my options and prayed to Cthulhu to intervene as I turned the ignition for the tenth time. It worked. Cthulhu made the engine turn over and as the car crept forward again, the gas in the tank sloshed around and the car chugged its way into the gas station.


Not that I'll actually do it

What color should I dye my hair?

Blonde, bleach-
Red, fire-engine
Red, natural
No color

Except I will

My hair ... my beautiful hair!

I went in for a drug test for my new job, and they cut my hair. Two big chunks of it, from the root. Supposedly it's not noticeable, but it was quite a lot of hair.

I didn't get it as bad as the guy right before me, who had hair like ... I tried to come with an example, and the only thing I could think of was Will Smith. Very short, almost crew-cut. The technician lady shaved part of his head, in the back. He had little bald patches. I don't know why she had to take hair from the middle of his head. His hair will grow back faster than mine, though.

Before she chopped off my hair, I saw the computer form had options for taking hair from the head, chest, underarm, and a third option I can't remember. I asked, "What do you do if someone has alopecia?" "We take their fingernails," the technician lady replied without missing a beat. I wonder if they pull them out by the root or if they just trim them.

Anyway, I think follicle drug testing is going a little overboard, but whatever.

(no subject)

I feel guilty for leaving you all for so long. I had a big of a mental breakdown like two weeks ago. I'm better now, and I'm on meds again, so no worries; I just didn't feel like writing too much.

I've started watching Supernatural and now I have a tumblr. My username is the same as it is here. So I have a job now, working at a casino in the kitchen. I am stoked because I don't have to work with the general public (yussss).

Anyway, I obviously need the money. Hey, did you know that paroxetine is like $24 at Walgreens but $4 at Wal-Mart? Like how does Wal-Mart do it? Slave-labor pharmaceutical manufacture? If I stay on this prescription for very long I'll probably order the meds from Canada to save money anyway.

The main side effects I get from paroxetine are shaking (tremor), this weird gagging sensation, and an urge to get up early in the morning. So far I haven't had a return of the most worrisome side effects I had last time I took it: the twitches (different from the tremors!), the horrific nightmares, or the suicidal impulses. But then I haven't been taking it very long, nor has it started working yet. So. This is my update.

(no subject)

So, those pre-employment tests? What is up with them?

I'm talking about "Situational judgment tests", the ones that ask questions like "You see your coworker do something that's against company policy. What do you do?" And then you choose a multiple choice answer, which can range from bat-shit insane (A: Burn the building down) to something like a logical response (B: Inform your boss). Usually this is part two of the test; the first part is something like a personality test, designed to weed out psychopaths and the kind of person who goes postal on their fellow employees, or so I assume from the questions asked. Occasionally, they seemed determined to weed out potheads.

I'm a great test-taker - no, really, I am - but as I've never seen my scores from these assessments, I'm not sure how I'm doing. Or how I'm supposed to improve. The personality one is pretty easy, but I'm not sure about all the sales-related questions on the other one. There's nothing I hate more than vague feedback.

I just took one that had a series of questions I've never seen before. Quizes like this are designed to be redundant. They'll ask you the same question about four different ways, using different wording, and make sure that half the questions are phrased negatively and have positively. This weeds out people who are answering randomly, lying (or at least lying badly), or answering every question the same way, and cuts down on the affect of people misunderstanding questions. So if you want to know if the test-taker is outgoing, you might have them agree or disagree with the following statements:

I like to be around people.
Friends describe me as outgoing.
I prefer to be alone most of the time.
I like to keep to myself.

It makes the tests deathly boring, except as studies in synonyms. Anyway, this last test had statements like "I have never had a negative thought about anyone." Seriously, that was a statement. "I have never violated a traffic law." "Growing up, I always did exactly what my parents told me to do." "I have never done anything that I regret."

It was weird. I suppose it was there to weed out people who were lying to make themselves look better. If Jesus took that quiz, he would totally fail.
your point?

Regional Dialect Meme

531K 3:02
(no transcription available)

Say These Words:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Now answer these questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

This meme, I have issues with it. For those of you who don't want to listen to my voice post, I will briefly explain: the "spider [with] an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs" isn't a spider at all, but an arachnid. I mean, that should be obvious from the description of the bug; spiders don't have oval-shaped bodies, they have two distinct body segments (and hairy legs and tiny venomous pinchers. hee hee hee). (Edit: and eyes upon eyes and hairy thoraxes and fangs and they creep creep creep along the ground. Any of my readers afraid of spiders? I'm not.) This "spider" I call a grand-daddy longlegs, and it can't bite you and it's completely harmless. Don't smush it because you think it's a spider. Just (gently!) pick it up by one of its legs and toss it outdoors. Also don't kill spiders.

Secondly, if you're confused about the question about the rain, read the Wikipedia article on sunshowers.

Not so incidentally, I also know about superstitions relating to just about everything on this list.

New Year

My birthday being so close to the new year, they seem like the same event. Maybe that's why I never do resolutions. This year, 2011, I am setting goals. Like, concrete ones. But first! A resolution:

I resolve to live my life like I have no fear. Well, you know - within reason. No jumping off cliffs. I still feel fear, a lot of it, but often the best way to get rid of it is to fake it.

At this point in my life, I've accepted that I have a mental disorder that's not going to go away. And it's a pretty serious, life-wrecking disorder. I can't really control what goes on in my head, but I can control my behavior. And I'm tired of letting fear wreck my life. I'm trying to accept that my instincts are almost always right. I know that sounds egotistical to say, but experience has born this out. (Even if it's not true, what am I supposed to do? They're my instincts. I can't live by somebody else's.) I usually know what to do, just ... doing it is the problem.

My resolution is to get over that.

This isn't going to be easy.
this is my happy face!


This is my birthday. I'm turning 24.

EDIT: It's also Elvis's birthday and the anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans (1815).

Here's Elvis singing "Polk Salad Annie" in Las Vegas:

And here's a song about the Battle of New Orleans (based on a fiddle tune called Eighth of January):


Where I've been

I spent the last five days on a cruise from Mobile, Alabama, to Cozumel, Mexico. It was for my dad's fiftieth birthday, but somewhere down the line it fell victim to my older sister's crusade to make everything about her. (She won't argue with this; "But it is all about me!" she'd say.)

We didn't have Internet or cell phone service because both are expensive to purchase internationally. I don't have cell phone service anyway because there's no more money on my prepaid cell phone. I got an email alert from my bank the day before we left telling me that my checking account was overdrawn and I would be incurring fees if I didn't fix this within a certain time period that would end when I would be in Cozumel. There was no way for me to fix this. Oh well.

The cruise itself was ... okay. It's not really my thing; one of those fakey-touristy cruises. It's a tour of Mexico for people who hate Mexico, I guess.

You know what? I'm just not comfortable around a lot of people. Or talking to strangers. Or eating in public, or having strangers in my living space, even if they fold my towels, turn down my sheets, and leave mints on my pillow. I don't like it. I know it's the crazy talking, it's my social phobia or whatever, but think about it: why would I want to be exposed to my phobia under the guise of a vacation? Yeah.

Anyway, statistics:
Number of people in trip: 14
Number of siblings: 8
Number of tantrums: 13 or so (not everyone had one but several had more than one)
Number of alcoholic drinks I consumed: 1 (champagne)
Number of times I had sex: 0 :(
Number of times we had to speak Spanish: 0

OH I FORGOT TO SAY! I can still feel the boat moving under me. It doesn't feel so bad, but it unpleasantly reminds me of SSRI withdrawal.